Due to the premature arrival, my son's organs had not fully developed and he started developing breathing problems and was unable to take milk.. He was taken to a specialty children's hospital and on the third day, after a lot of struggle, our angel went back to GOD... I could not even attend his funeral..
Well-wishers said it was all GOD's will and some said that HE will give us a son within a year.. And so on and so forth.. Why do people say such things about another child when i had not yet come to terms with being parted from my first born? Will the pain being endured lessen? Will my dreams come back? I had not just lost my son, but also my twins.. I had always wanted twins and being granted that and then losing it was something that no one seemed to understand.. Empty words or saying something just for the sake of it or trying to avoid talking or mentioning it was even worse.. Some always seem to be tiptoeing around it..
I was told don't think about it.. Why can't I vent? Just because I had another little one, does the little one no longer there become less important? I was told to forget him.. That I will have more kids? Would you say that to someone whose child was taken away from them at 5 or 10 or even 20 yrs? Why is it not important that I lost a son though 3 days old, my daughter lost her soul mate twin, we lost the complete family? Why was his death less important? We did not even get a birth certificate for him as the guy said it's too much paper work.. First birth certificate and then death certificate..
Over the last few years, I keep seeing twins wherever I go.. Maybe I am more aware of them or twins population has increased! It's so easy to get into wishful thinking, wondering about all the what ifs.. What would he be like? How would it have been bringing up two little angels together? What would their bond be like? How would we have managed home and work and finances? So many questions and scenarios are envisioned..
Today is my baby's seventh death anniversary.. Time has flown, yet some things seem the same.. There was a time when people advised to have another kid and just the thought of another pregnancy and its uncertainties was nauseating.. Now I have another son who just turned two.. But I do remember my first angel every day.. GOD gave him to us and GOD took him away.. I know I will see him again soon, when we meet again in heaven.. Through all the trials and tribulations, GOD is the only constant and gives strength to the weak and comforts those who mourn..
My angel in heaven, we all love and remember you..